I wrote this text back in September 2021, right before ending my collaboration with some people in the music industry. As the #MusicTooBelgium campaign takes a new turn in May 2022, I found this text again and thought it might be relevant to share with you, may it gives you a perspective on these complex topics.
> TW violence
How do you choose the people you work with? Who you hire, who you give money to? How do you choose where you play?
If you know that someone is a serial abuser and violent individual that didn't reflect at all on the pain he inflicted to others, taking zero responsibility for his previous criminal actions, how can you still let him into your life? And more so, hire him?
How can you provide a safe and comfortable work environment for womxn in your team if you don't listen when we warn you about such individuals?
It makes me sick to my stomach. I called you a nice guy until then. I called you considerate. Will I have to change how I talk about you or are you willing to recognize the harm you have done by enabling someone like this?
If you don't recognise what you have done, I can't be a part of your team anymore.
If you don't have any empathy towards the situation, then I can't be a part of your team anymore.
If you're not able to recognize the danger that you put me under by putting him in your team, then I can't be a part of your team anymore.
Thinking about the victims, one of them says she's fine [she was not], the other ones I don't know [she still isn't]. Who knows how many more he hurt?
Who knows what questions you have asked yourself about this whole situation.
If you'd care about you've done, here are a few questions that could have crossed your mind:
Do you know for yourself the exact number of womxn you hurt?
Do you remember, and admit to yourself, each of the violent and criminals acts you committed towards each of them?
Have you admitted your guilt and taken responsibility for each of your criminal actions towards each of them directly? legally?
Have you taken yourself away from the context that enabled you to behave that way without any repercussions?
Have you addressed all the people who enabled for you to behave this way and who protected you? Are they still blindly supporting you or are they actively recognizing their role and helping you heal?
Unless you can say yes with honesty to each of these questions, I don't want to be associated with you, nor with people who enable you. One thing I'm certain of :
I do not wish to be associated with violent people who don't take any responsibility for their actions, nor with people who enable them.
Is this going to happen again if I work with men some more?
She talked about living in the world of tomorrow where we just don't interact/engage with these people. I think this is the world I want to live in. Working with women will definetely push most of these people to the side.
There is still so much acceptance for people like this, and still so much of them are present in this industry and in our world, but I've had my share, I'm done.
If I want to live in the world of tomorrow,
these are the kind of people I need to avoid
and these are the kind of decisions I need to make.
Since I wrote this text, I've been focusing solely on projects for womxn & FLINTA people in the music sector, because we all deserve a safe(r) festive and working environnement, space for creativity, festive and personal fulfillement.
PRECISION: This is also not a call to follow my footsteps concerning my work decisions, but it can bring you some perspectve as to why some of us choose to do so.
Thanks to all of you who inspire me everyday to build better worlds together.